I have had the opportunity this last 6 months to spend time among the ‘scum of the earth.’ Those who have murdered, lied, betrayed, raped, and robbed in varying degrees. I thought that when I met these kind of people I would see evil. I imagined them constantly seeking to do something harmful and deceitful to those around them even their friends. I my head someone had to be evil to do the “bad” things I have heard about.
As I have come to be friends with these my brothers and sisters, I have been more than surprised to see good loving individuals who care about the those around them. The harm they cause is caused by habits and paradigms inherited from their family, society and world. I think I never would have seen their goodness if I had come with judgment. This has been a prayer of mine, that I would be able to seen the world as a little child and not miss truth and beauty because I was excepting or wanting something else.
In my friends I have seen pain, hate, and sorrow, but also joy, kindness, and love. They are no different than us. My paradigm shattered as I have seen them try to do the best they can according to the light that they have.
Tears flow as I think of the stories they tell from their child hood. Of the things that they have inherited from the traditions of their parents. I am soo grateful for the things I was taught growing up and the goodness that my parents raised me with. I have come to know on a deeper level that they are no less loved my heavenly father because they sin differently than me. And I have a hella huge responsibility to live up to the light I was raised with.
There are many areas of my life where I am obedient because I am being watched and am supposed to act a certain way, though my desires are often opposing my actions. These friend I have come to love just like me inherited their actions from their upbringing. But in their case their inheritance was “evil/bad”. They smoke, drink, color their profanities with civil words, and do many other “bad” things. But God has shown me that in their hearts they desire good, they just don’t know where to find it.
Now I am not saying they we should replicate their lives. They have suffered more pain and sorrow than any human should, and their unbelief’s limit them in light and mastery. I have learned to be a friend to everyone, to hold no judgment in my heart, and be like a little child and cultivate goodness in my soul that is contagious. I will stop worrying about what I DO, about my short comings, and will stop STRUGGLING to be obedient. I will love where I am at, love my failings and hard times. I live in the moment and accept my Saviors sacrifice. I believe in Him, and in scripture He commands me to repent before He commands me to be obedient.
I have started opening doors before I have the right words to say.